AtypicallyRecovering

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My folks were always weight conscious, to the point of extreme dieting. Dad didn’t have a weight problem, but thought he did if his trousers felt a bit snug. Mom was ‘normal’, and not fat, but always on some kind of diet or going to some diet meeting. I ended up being most impacted by my mom’s food rules and bribes for me to lose weight starting when I was 6-7 years old and not at all fat.

Prior to the diet invasion into my life, I don’t remember a lot about food one way or the other. I know we had “kid cereal” when I was younger than 5 years old, because my dad liked it. Food really wasn’t an issue unless it was something I didn’t like (or threw up when I ate it- like cooked carrots, baked beans, and cold french fries). It was when the diet bribes started that my weight was constantly a part of my daily thinking. No child should be on diets that aren’t medically necessary or supervised. And offering a kid a dollar for every pound they lost (when gas was 36 cents a gallon) and a big bag of candy for every five pounds (how that made any sense, I’ll never know) isn’t OK. My mom wasn’t ‘bad’, but she was misguided by her own weight issues and wanting me to look like the beanpole kids at church. I’m built more like a brick. It would never work out. But as a kid, I wanted her to be happy.

As a family, we always had dinner together unless my folks were out of town, or at a work or church party of some sort. If my folks were entertaining guests for dinner, I got a TV dinner, which I loved ! I could pick whatever I wanted. But a ‘normal’ dinner for three would be one 15 oz can of ravioli, or sharing a box of Kraft mac & cheese (a hotdog would be cut up in it sometimes), or soup. But we did at least eat together.

My folks travelled over school breaks, and I’d stay with my grandparents (usually paternal since they were closer to our house). I was allowed to eat there most of the time, and would gain a few pounds. Being an active kid, it came off when I went back home. But my grandma always made sure she had some special things for me, and I was allowed to cook when I was in 2nd and 3rd grade, with pans she put in a certain place in the cabinet. They had “normal” food. Not fancy, but my Swedish grandma could cook and bake really good food. And it was much more nutritious than what was at home. A big treat was sardines on toast for breakfast. I loved it- and it wasn’t unhealthy.

In high school, I started doing diet competitions with classmates, and I made sure I always won. My mom had no issue with me having less than 600 calories per day (my usual would have been well under 1000). She’d buy me whatever foods the diet called for. My skating coach was never pleased when I was restricting, because I was a space cadet which could be risky with jumps and spins. More than once I fell and didn’t know why.

I don’t blame my parents for having an eating disorder. I think they did the best with their own hang-ups about food and weight. I was impacted by it, but I don’t believe it was malicious.