Category: Trauma
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My First Hospitalization for Bulimarexia & Depression
Photo: mine When I returned to the University of Illinois after the winter break, I limped through emotionally, and things quickly became critical. I was still freaked out about being on academic probation (not in my perfectionistic vocabulary), and very depressed. I thought I was falling everything. I wasn’t thin…
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Anorexia and Campus Life
Photo- mine. Being a freshman at a good state university was overwhelming, and made so much worse by my deteriorating physical and mental health. I was also a fairly good student back in my high school, with many college prep and advanced placement classes that I was used to, so…
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How I Got To This Point Part 2: The Summer of Anorexia
Photo- El Arroyo in Austin, TX online photo The summer before I started at the University of Illinois, I was working my second summer at a church camp I’d gone to as a kid for 7 summers (week long sessions). I loved that camp, and still consider it to be…
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How I Got To This Point Part 1: Childhood Diets
Photo: mine; me, age 5 1/2 (summer before diet bribes started) I’ve been a problem eater since birth. I was put up for adoption, and before I could be placed in my parents’ home, I spent 9 days in the hospital in 2 cities because I didn’t like the hospital…
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Chronic Medical Complications From Restrictive Eating Disorders
Photo: mine Decades of eating disorders have wreaked havoc on my body. It’s also impacted other areas, but for this post, I’ll be focusing on the medical issues. For this post, I’m just going to focus on what I’ve experienced. I will do another post on general complications. IF you…
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OK. Time to Start DOING Something
Photo: mine OK, so it’s time to start doing things to move forward. I won’t lie- I’m not even sure where to start, but I know that I have to come up with something that will work for me, and doesn’t seem forced (other than making sure I eat what…
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General Thoughts About Moving Forward After Ex-Therapist
There were never any consistent “lessons” with Ex-T (ex-therapist)- I knew her basic beliefs about eating disorders, but that’s it. She mentioned the importance of what I tell myself about myself-and that the brain hangs on to all of that, but that was about the extent of it. I no…
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How I Was Breadcrumbed During Eating Disorder Therapy
Photo from miascucina.com I’m going to use the list in this article to go through specifics of how I was breadcrumbed… https://www.enotalone.com/article/relationships/10-alarming-breadcrumbing-signs-you-shouldnt-ignore-now-r16587/ 1. Inconsistent behavior.… at times, I heard from my ex-therapist regularly (especially early on, or when I’d tell her I was getting tired of doing therapy). Most of…
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Physical Impact of Toxic Therapy
The mind and body are so interconnected that it can be incredulous. I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life, and with that has come PTSD and the tendency to be in fight or flight most of the time. It’s a lot worse when something or someone triggers it.…
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So, Now What Am I Going To Do?
Image from general internet search. I’ve been actively restricting for nearly 4 years- the longest stretch ever with ‘numbers’ ruling everything. That doesn’t include the food restriction in my house as a kid when I was bribed to lose weight when I wasn’t fat, at ages 6-7. My head is…
