Atypically Recovering

Photo: Online search

So, someone I blocked came up with a new FB profile at some point. It’s not a common name here, so not that tough to stand out on a FB page. This person is (or was) rarely on FB. I found others with the same name but not the same photo, so blocked them as well (easy to use a phony photo). Yeah, I’m talking to you… and anyone else who is struggling with a staggering lack of integrity and/or excessive pulling of puppet strings.

Cyberstalking is a crime in the US. Even tracking my social media is a crime; we’re not FB friends. Blogs don’t fit into that category, so snoop to your heart’s content here. https://fitzpatrick.house.gov/protecting-americans-from-cyberstalking

When cyberstalking is done internationally, that is a federal crime.
https://www.stalkingriskprofile.com/what-is-stalking/international-legislation

There’s even a specific FBI page to report cyberstalking. That would involve giving out a lot of information about too many people, and I don’t want to do that. https://www.ic3.gov I still want the best for so many people, but I won’t be bullied. I doubt any of us really care about being up in each other’s business.

Are you being asked to keep secrets? Like it’s some kind of special bond? Others are told the same things. After removing myself from the ‘situation’, I doubt just about everything I was told- and that was really hard. I’d known about this person since the late 90s… I believed the fairy tale. I ended up in the dungeon.

Are you told something will happen at a specific time, and hours later it might happen? I started keeping a journal of what was supposed to happen vs. what did happen. Not a good track record for keeping to plans. I was told repeatedly that there were 10 sessions going on every day. How was there time for all of you? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201406/the-psychology-of-lateness

Has someone else warned you about things, but you didn’t believe the person trying to alert you? Was that person then vilified by someone who disagreed with the person who tried to warn you, in order to keep you as a patient? How many people have to share the same story to be believed, or at least considered? If all of this is working for you, great. I am truly happy that you had the resources to be conditionally loved. There is no “unconditional” once finances dip, even if the fees were agreed upon. There are a bunch of YouTube comments by people who had the same happen to them, and a book full of failed treatment. You don’t have to believe anyone- and that won’t change what is. Patterns show both good and bad.

Do you know what it’s like to spend 2+ years being so desperate for something to fill the void of an absent therapist that you turned to YouTube just for SOME kind of help?

Are you told that you’re “loved like a daughter/son”? We’re all disposable. That’s pretty much all I learned between June 2022 and October 2025. It’s all for money. Before being accepted as a patient, it was known I was selling my house. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

Are you told that ________ will happen, and it never does? One ‘rosey’ book has been ready to be published since a blog post by the author in 2013. Or the recording sessions for the website that never materialized. She told me to sell everything I could to send her $1000 USD for some investment thing for the website. I said no; I was facing 2 biopsies during that time (with financial considerations in a country without universal healthcare), and had already failed 2 other cancer screenings. That was the beginning of even more reduced contact. She’d say that isn’t true that it related to money. I have receipts and a logbook of contact (phone and messages).

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy/boundaries-and-red-flags-in-therapy

Do you think that the person you admire is near ‘perfect’ and always right ? It’s easy to do when you want to get well so badly. NOBODY is always right, and perfection is a myth. Something I really respect is epistemic humility… the knowledge that all of our views are biased and limited based on life experience, point of view, etc. That there is always something to learn. I was told that my view of my experience is wrong- which is nobody’s right to put their singular point of view on me. What someone DOES with the feelings can be defined one way or another to some extent, but feelings just are. To learn from the feelings and other views is incredibly valuable. .https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12681921/

Did you truly research the person you care so much about? Or did you wing it hoping they were who you thought they were? I didn’t read up on things I’d heard about, and it was a mistake on my part that I pay for every day I wake up. Now, I need to keep myself safe, which I never thought would be the case. It’s been one of the worst times in my life (and that’s saying something with my trauma history). I truly wanted to get well, and only with one person, because it WAS my last shot. I wanted who I thought could help. I backed up so many things online when criticism was harsh against X- you know that.

Have I made mistakes? Yup. While I don’t remember writing some things, that were on my page (I was looking for a cover photo), I immediately took them down and apologized via email to the person involved. The information was true about what I’d been told (whether what I was told was true is another matter- and I don’t believe it now), and yet I was wrong to post what was on my page ( I seriously don’t remember). I can only guess that the pain involved got the better of me, and I need to do better in the future. But I can recognize that I needed to fix something and apologize.

Imagine being told by someone who claims to have a mission of self-esteem building not to have the time to discuss a life-threatening matter when it was discussed the day before that a call would happen to talk about possible ways to make part of a second test possible (to enable the removal of a small mass that is still there because of that missed call, with other changes now also going on). That was after declining an SOS call. It was the 2nd in 3+ years, and I had permission. That call was so important because of the physical limitations from decades of restricting, and facing 8 liters of prep over 2 days when I have had an NG for fluids since the summer of 2022 just to get 2 liters in per day to protect my kidneys. It was devastating to basically be told that if I die, oh well… not important enough. But it was ‘normal’. Most calls never happened, or there would be a month between calls after being begged (literally) to stay another year (for what, I’m not sure), and messages not seen for up to a week- that little blue double check thing, ya know? When my funds ran out, so did contact, even though I was told that I wouldn’t have to pay after paying for nearly 3 years of the estimated 2 years (2 1/2 max) that I’d budgeted for based on initial conversations. On a disability income. I’ve emailed all of this multiple times to X. Didn’t matter.

Until recently, did you ever hear anything negative about me? I know she talked about me with patients in the house, and back then I was fine with that. We talked on Christmas 2024… was I a horrible creature then? I’m guessing that’s how I’m portrayed now, and would also expect the standard “borderline personality” label when I’ve never been diagnosed with that diagnosis. I’ve heard that about other people who disagreed with X.

I started in the summer of 2022… in January 2023, my time was cut drastically when new patients were brought in when others of us were still floundering, and we were left hanging while several got well in the next couple of years. I didn’t hear anything from X for a couple of weeks after getting to Snowville Hills in January 2023- didn’t know if something horrible had happened, or what was going on. Finally I got in touch with someone who had been helping me via messaging and WhatsApp calls. There are others from the past 40 years with nearly identical stories. I never got taught about the ‘core’ of the program. I was left in early stage 2, with no info on how to get my head sorted out. That’s when (or during) the time you and someone else showed up, and then later the other one in the house. Me not getting help is not and never will be your fault. Those are the choices that were made without regard to those of us left behind.

I was told you’re doing well a while back. That’s really great. I hope you go on to have an incredibly productive life and that you can do whatever job you would enjoy. You’re incredibly smart, and will have so many options when you get out on your own.

I always seem to survive (been tested enough), so I’m no victim. I’ve been on my own for 40 years. I’ve survived a lot, and now have to survive this. My mind is stronger re: boundaries and my right to my views on my experience. The restricting has gone back to pre-‘help’ levels, which has gone on for nearly all of my life, so it’s all I know. My head was never even close to being fixed. My worth was shattered with the ‘non phone call’. Everything could have been salvaged if she just kept her word. Or if she truly was having medical issues, to say so clearly, and let me know that she’d be out of contact for a while to get taken care of- I would have been so very supportive of that. Tidbits of information come across as disingenuous and flimsy.
Instead, here we are.